The BBC shows us the way...

There's a point where magic and technology collide – and it's pretty much at the point where your experience ends. No matter how much you 'know' it's all a matter of circuits and diodes, there's something more to it that makes you stop and think.

The last couple of months have been a good example. I can't help feel somewhat nostalgic for my first days with computers, all those many years ago. There was something magical about them, not simply something neat. I'm pretty lucky in that I grew up more or less along with the home PC – my first was an 8086 with 512kb of RAM and a hard-drive that barely had room for a couple of pirated adventure games (I've since bought all of them for real, honest) and the GEM operating system. That machine cost the Earth. My current one lets me fly around it, in real-time, unlocking a world of information and connectiveness beyond the dreams of the most advanced civilisations.

Yet it's still just a tool. It's a toy. My next one will be faster. It'll be better. For the first week or so, the bigger monitor or shinier operating system will seem like a whole new world, but just as quickly, it'll just be another computer to add to the pile. What I want out of the industry right now is something that brings back that initial excitement – something not just bigger and better. And I don't think that's possible, not when it's an industry you watch so closely.

The last device that got close is – and don't laugh – the iPhone. Yes, I bought one. I wasn't going to be one of those sad bastards who rushed out on the Friday it launched. I waited until Sunday. And while I wouldn't say it's perfect, the combination of always-accessible internet connection really has made the difference. Scratch that. My old phone could do it, technically. It was just so unpleasant, I never really wanted to. Even months on, I still get a kick out of firing up The Damn Internet on a whim, just to check the actor in a movie, or check my e-mail, or pass the time in a queue with whatever audiobook I'm currently engrossed in.

Now, I know what you're thinking. That's nothing all that special. It's not, you're right. But I'm coming to it from a different angle than most of the people who've commented on it. I don't follow phones. I don't give a damn about phones. I don't like them, wherever possible I don't use them, and every time I've reluctantly bought one, it's taken at most a week before it wound up on my desk, alone, unloved, forgotten, and usually out of pre-pay credit.

So temporarily, it's magic. It's magic like a DVD treated with pseudoscientific nonsense, or the cultural fear of a new computer user looking at a PC like it's the first steps towards Skynet. But in a good way.

I wouldn’t usually blog a press release but I’ve just been passed one which shows some pretty interesting figures. The report lists, in descending order, which banks are the subject of most phishing emails. It was drawn up by Clear My Mail – an anti spam company. The league table of the spammer’s favourite banks is headed up by NatWest. There was, according to the firm, a spike in the number of phishing attacks launched before Christmas.

1. Natwest (41% of all phishing emails blocked were targeting Natwest Bank)
2. Citibank (27%)
3. HSBC (11%)
4. Abbey (6%)
5. Lloyds TSB (4%)
6. Pay Pal (internet transaction banking for likes of Ebay – 2%)
7. Royal Bank of Scotland (1%)
8. Nationwide (1%)
9. Halifax (0.8%)
10. MBNA (0.5%)

According to the Telegraph, the UK’s biggest banks are (in order of profit)

HSBC (£12bn), Royal Bank of Scotland – which owns Nat West - (£9.36bn), Barclays (£6.93bn), HBOS (£5.46bn) and Lloyds TSB (£3.68bn)

The phishers appear to be acting rather indiscriminately. The fact that Citibank is ranked as second in the bad guy’s hit list but the bank is a comparatively small playing on the UK high street suggests the bad guys aren’t tailoring their attacks to precisely. And this can only be a good thing.

Personally, when time allows, I feel compelled to follow phishing emails to the spoof website and enter fictitious details. I operate under the non de plume of Mr Weasel Stains. Sort code 666, account number 1234567.

As ever, reprinted in full from the press release, just to make it clear - it's all in context. I'm pretty sure this one's just a joke (and by pretty sure, I mean 'oh, please...'), but it amused us enough to consider it worth sharing.

Burial Service for Old Mobile Cellular Phones Announced by Leading UK Ringtones and Java Games Reseller MobileFun.co.uk

BIRMINGHAM, England, January 22 /PRNewswire/ -- The UK's leading mobile ringtones and mobile games company announces new burial service for old mobile phones.

Customers can post their old phones to Mobile Fun Limited and for a small fee (approx. GBP20GBP) the old phones will be taken and buried in Russia, in the middle of KMA (Kursk Magnetic Anomaly).

Kursk Magnetic Anomaly is by far the biggest and strongest magnetic anomaly in the World because of an astronomical amount of iron ore underground, very close to the surface. Even compasses do not work in the KMA.

Mobile Fun has signed a short-term contract with local company KMABS Inc. based in Stariy Oscol (an important metallurgical town, in the very hart of KMA).

"We are happy to expand our budding mobile phone burial service internationally with the invaluable help of Mobile Fun Ltd" said CEO of KMABS Inc. "...Russia has taken to mobile phones in a huge way and is leading other countries in more unusual mobile phone services and products."

"For an additional GBP5GBP your old mobile phone can send a final farewell SMS text message from Russia to your new mobile" added Matthew Page (Mobile Fun's Mobile Content and PSMS Manager).

"The reason we selected the world's biggest magnetic anomaly is not just for environmental reasons to minimise the potential electromagnetic radiation impact of a large number of mobile phones buried in one location", said Ruslan G Fedorovsky, Mobile Funs newly appointed Head of Mobile."...There also is an interesting, although controversial idea increasing in popularity amongst Russian mobile phone users that over time, some personal electromagnetic 'zen' becomes trapped inside old mobile phones.

"I am positive that huge magnetic radiation of KMA will be strong enough to release any trapped electromagnetic subconscious psyche." categorically states Mr. Andrey Koltakov ('BONIFATZI') the Russian radio-advertising tycoon and popular womens lifestyle guru who claims to be behind this strange new-age belief.

Haha. Well, at least it's different. True or not, all the names in the preceding press release have of course been added to the official PC Plus People To Slap In The Face With A Custard Pie list. Either way, I think we finally know the plot of Stalker 2: Call Me, Don't Irradiate Me.

If you are looking for concrete facts about the next version of Windows, wrong place sorry. Nobody knows a lot of hard facts about it yet. But an anonymous user, courtesy of Neowin, claims to have got his (or her) grubby mits on a Milestone 1 release of Windows 7. That means not beta, or even alpha. It's far from complete, major features are not in there, and is subject to change.

Being a completely unverified source it may also be total lies. But it's Windows, and whether mere speculation or hard facts, that is guaranteed to get anyone's attention, from the savvy tech user, to the investor keeping a close eye on Microsoft's shares.

So what is (supposedly) new with Windows 7? If you hate Vista, maybe because of the GUI, the changes to control panel etc, you're out of luck.

Well, what do you expect? The changes from XP to Vista were not a small move from Microsoft. They altered the way we are used to doing things, such as the sound control applet and the user settings folder. This can be a suicidal move for software developers, where the rule "if it ain't broke, why fix it?" usually applies. This is evident from the fact so many people find Vista a pain, and getting used to a new way of doing things can hurt.

By the time Windows 7 is out we will have had another 18 months to get used to Vista's UI. And in many ways, it makes more sense. A top level choice between the user folder, the physical computer, and other system critical directories IS a better way to organise your system than on XP, but clunky while you get used to it.

The other interesting point was the memory footprint. Down to about 480MB. The install of Vista in front of me is consuming 1.1GB right now, so it's a definite improvement. Microsoft are responding to customer criticism of Vista, namely that it eats ridiculous amounts of memory. By late 2009 though, it's hard to see this being an issue. 2GB of RAM is currently £35. Only the hardcore upgrade-refusniks will be running less than 2GB by then, we hope.

There is an interesting parallel between the move from 95/98 to Windows 2000/XP and the move from XP to Vista/Windows 7. Windows 2000 was a step away from the 16/32-bit model of 98, bringing driver problems, software incompatibilities and performance issues, which were ironed out by the time we got to Windows XP. Vista isnt such an architectural leap, but perhaps Windows 7 will be the real Vista SP1.

Looking at the fuss over HD-DVD and Blu-Ray, it really makes me think – outside of a small group of technological savants and hard-core enthusiasts, does anyone really understand what makes the future tick?

I hope not. How else am I going to sell my own optical disc format?

What? You haven't heard about that? That's just shameful journalism on the part of our news team. Not one of the stories has mentioned the DVD-WOW? Well, let's fix that right now. True enough, my new format can't boast the advanced specifications of those other formats, but I think it'll develop some fans. It holds roughly 6GB of data, written onto disc by a standard DVD writer's laser, and even includes the same logos and packaging, just to help people acclimatize. No upgrading required!

Why does the media cost twice as much as a store-bought DVD? It's all down to the special homeopathic droplet of distilled 'awesome' that goes into every disc at some point during manufacture, making it roughly 15% less susceptible to damage or data degradation.

Guaranteed!

(DISCLAIMER: Guarantee not guaranteed. Does not cover accidental damage due to age, scratching, dropping, putting in the microwave to watch the impressive light-show, frisbee throws of more than 0.43m exactly, or getting caught under the wheels of your chair. Warranty void at time of purchase. This license rolls your statutory rights into a tube and smokes them.)

The worrying thing is, I'm sure people would buy something like this. Worse, if you tried to persuade them they'd been conned, they'd be the first in line to boast just how much safer they feel, how much faster the experience feels, and no doubt at least a few things the advert never bothered to say. It's human nature to see patterns and imprint them on the world, from medical students who suddenly find themselves coming down with everything from lupus to leprosy depending on which chapter of their textbooks just told them the symptoms, right to perfectly sensible computer users eagerly trying a new tweak or edit they've been told will give their PC a touch-up.

I'm looking at you, Windows Registry cleaners.

There have been many infamous wars in history. Events such as The War of The Roses, the English Civil War, The Jedi vs the Sith, and of course The First and Second World Wars, have all shaped history after much upheaval.

The war between HD-DVD and Blu-ray will be similarly remembered. In fifty years, grandparents will tell stories about what they did during this protracted and bitter conflict:

"I was doing work experience in Blockbuster at the time, earning two shillings and sixpence. Popcorn was rationed, so we could eat nothing but our toenail fungus."

"There could be a raid at any time. As soon as the Blu-ray delivery man was seen coming up the road, the sirens would go off and we would all run to the basement. He could be there for hours, and during the winter nights, it would get so cold, we had to use a burning pile of King Kong HD-DVDs to keep warm."

While a stalemate has continued for much of the last year, it seems the tide is beginning to turn now that Warner, who had previously only supported Blu-ray with logistics and supplies, has joined the conflict.

Actually, I can't be bothered with any more of this tosh. Internet forums, blogs and sites have nothing but Blu-ray this, HD-DVD that. 99% of the forum posts are poorly thought up fanboy arguments, with plenty of words and nothing more to say than: "I hate $ony, Microsoft rule!" or "I hate Micro$oft, Sony rule! PStrizzle!"

I've had enough. There's more to life than watching movies in such a high resolution you can see where they injected the botox into some overpaid scientologist. I dont care if both formats die. There are more interesting things happening in technology right now, besides this.